4 WAYS TO CULTIVATE ONENESS IN MARRIAGE

Genesis 2:23,” The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man. ”That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Oneness in marriage means that you and your spouse are learning and actively engaging in the art of moving towards each other – spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It also means spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy are more of a priority than any perceived performance from each other that you both may expect. Oneness requires that the Gospel of Jesus Christ be the main motivational factor in your daily life and all relationships, including your marriage.

This is part of the mystery of marriage: that you and your spouse care more about what God thinks than your personal opinion. The fear of the Lord overrides every aspect of your sense of entitlement in your way of life. This requires a deep commitment to God, a commitment to following Jesus, a commitment to humility, and a commitment to vulnerability.

Below are 4 ways you can commit to God, follow Jesus while building intimacy and cultivating Oneness in Marriage:

1) WORSHIP TOGETHER

Do you play an instrument? Pull out the guitar, piano, drums, cajon, and sing a couple of worship songs together. If you do not play an instrument, that’s Ok. Feel free to access YouTube, Spotify, Pandora, or Alexa and find a playlist with a few worship songs, locate the lyrics, and sing along. You are encouraged to schedule a time once a month to worship together as a couple, just the two of you. This is a sure-fire way to invite God into your marriage and build oneness through worship. Another idea would be to read a psalm of adoration together to God. For example, Psalm 145: “I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day, I will praise you and extol your name forever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom”. Take turns reading and take turns saying Amen, and you could even change a few words, for example, change “I” to “We” in the psalm and read it together out loud.

2) PRAY TOGETHER

Couples that pray together stay together. Is there any other gift that is bigger than asking the God of all creation to give your spouse the desires of their heart? Power is infused in your relationship when you pray for each other and together. Ask God to bless your spouse and provide them with the desires of their heart.  In your time, offer a few words of gratefulness towards God and use it as weapon in your relationship against the enemy.

There are times you may think that your spouse owes you love or you perceive that you did not get enough love from them. Gratefulness fights against self-pity and selfishness in your heart.

Sample prayer to know God's will, to be fruitful in your life, marriage and strengthened by intimacy with God. “We…do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WILL in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may have a WALK WORTHY OF THE LORD, fully pleasing Him, BEING FRUITFUL in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; STRENGTHENED WITH ALL MIGHT, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light.” Colossians 1:9-12

3) PRACTICE A 1-HOUR DEDICATION

Practice moments of dedication to your spouse by setting aside one day and one hour in a day. During this dedicated time, you ask questions, practice asking clarifying questions, and propose deep, open-ended questions to connect with your spouse. Forget your opinions and incite for that hour, and just listen and allow them to speak freely. Each time you start speaking, do your very best to be positive, gentle, and kind towards them. Remember to remain neutral and objective by encouraging them to share their thoughts with you. If the conversation starts to go in a different direction, like, shopping or sports, be an encourager and just go with it! Remember as a follower of Christ, your growth trajectory is to move towards God and others spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Sample Questions:

What can I do to make you feel absolutely secure?

Follow up question, please tell me more and help me learn more about that?

What attribute would you like me to help you develop in yourself?

Follow up, please tell me more about the attribute so I can understand you better

4) READ TO EACH OTHER

Write love letters to your spouse for a week, read it out loud to your partner and surprise them. After a while, it is quite possible that they will enjoy hearing you read and you professing your love for them. Reading love letters is a tender and romantic activity and can promote intimacy in your marriage. This is something that you can do to build your daily conversations with each other and create new habits. Think creatively when writing your letters and have fun spending time with your husband or wife in a way that can break up your normal routine.

Sample: I once wrote 30 love and admiration notes over a 30-day period for my wife and hid them in different places, like underneath her pillow, in the sun visor of the car, on top of her phone, and close to her favorite coffee mug.

Pursue oneness in your marriage, bless each other, and receive the blessing of the pursuit.

Genesis 2:23,” The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man. ”That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Oneness was extremely important to God! He commanded it, so let us follow His leadership.